“When Love Turns Transactional: Confusion Between Emotion, Control, and Boundaries”

A young man sitting alone at night looking conflicted after a breakup, holding his phone, symbolizing emotional exhaustion, relationship imbalance, and confusion about love and self-worth.

Hello, I’m a 23-year-old male. I just wanted to share my story.

I met a girl online about a year ago. At that time, I was 22 and she was 20. She was really pretty, and she found me funny. I don’t consider myself very good-looking, as I’m a bit overweight, but I do know how to listen, how to make a girl feel heard and special.

Long story short, she followed me on Instagram first because she liked my reels, and we started talking. We got along really well. Within two weeks, I told her I really liked her because I didn’t want to hide my feelings or be fake with her. Luckily, she felt the same, and we entered into a relationship.

At the start, everything was good. I used to give her pocket money apart from gifts, just out of care and affection. I even studied about the female cycle to better understand her moods and emotional changes, trying to be more supportive.

However, over time things started to shift. She used to talk to me at night, but she would often pick calls from her friends late at night—many of them male. I didn’t stop her because I trusted her, but I did feel hurt that she sometimes prioritized them over me. On the other hand, I wasn’t even allowed to talk to other girls, and I also avoided it out of respect.

She also didn’t like me going out with my friends. If I did, she would get upset, ignore me for hours, or even block me for days. She would sometimes say hurtful things on calls, almost like she wanted a reaction or argument. Still, I kept ignoring it, thinking she is young and emotional, and maybe it’s just anger.

Then an unfortunate financial situation came in my life. For a month, I couldn’t send her pocket money or gifts. During that time, she made me feel extremely guilty about it. Soon after, she blocked me for four days while she was in Islamabad and didn’t even try to meet me, which hurt me a lot.

When she unblocked me, I asked her directly: “What matters more to you, money or me?” She replied, “Of course money, but because it comes from you.”

After that, I decided I could not stay in a place where I didn’t feel valued, so I ended things. After that, a lot of emotional drama happened—guilt-tripping, coming back again and again—but I stayed firm.

Even last month, she came back saying she was texting me because she was on her period. I responded, but later I said some hurtful things just to create distance, which I’m not proud of.

Now I’m left wondering: was I right or wrong?

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